We are in a domestic abuse style relationship with our government and leadership.
We have been gaslit as individuals to turn the other cheek or keep scrolling, as business owners to keep our views to ourselves lest we suffer financially and as voters who have grown used to change at a glacial pace, or scary fast in the wrong direction.
We have been tricked into polarization. Left vs Right, Blue vs Red, Dem vs Rep. And never the twain shall meet. We have been tricked into viewing Black Lives Matter as a radical statement, when it should be a simple truth.
We can’t even have a conversation to find common ground or learn from each other anymore. The Gottman 4 Horsemen of the Marital Apocalypse have become our everyday language:
Criticism “All you care about is x, y or z”
Defensiveness “I’m not a racist, or xenophobic, or misogynistic, I voted for…”
Contempt “You’re such a libtard”
Stonewalling “I’m deleting anyone who says or agrees with x, y or z”
This type of language used to be reserved for the worst moments in our most intimate relationships, and now instead we use it with old friends, acquaintances, and perfect strangers in view for all to see.
Here is the part where I am going to take personal responsibility. I signed up for a profile on Therapy Den as my badge of inclusivity, (there is literally a badge you can put on your website) but it’s not enough. It’s time to get crystal clear - If you are a black person or a POC and you feel unsafe, undervalued, anger, grief, or anything else, I am here to listen, believe and validate you and provide a safe space. If you are a white person struggling to understand the pain and anguish around you, I am here to support and assist you as well.
I will continue to serve a broad range of persons, with a broad range of opinions and I hope that this message will reach and resonate with all my current, former, and potential clients. I endeavor to work together to reduce suffering as well as rigid thinking, which I believe are related. Let’s focus on eliminating abusive and oppressive language internally and inter-personally. Let’s practice listening and hearing. Let’s set better boundaries, have more compassion and be mindful. Let’s talk about our fears and dreams. Let’s make it more beautiful. Let’s assume that we all want essentially the same things for ourselves and the people we love and that those dreams should be available to all of us.
Black Americans were not included in the initial promise of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and they have been deprived of these most basic opportunities and values that we so loudly and boldly espouse as Americans. We need to do the hard work, both individually and as a nation, of looking at the ways Black Americans have been traumatized with both violence AND silence. Black people don’t have the luxury of looking away, of not having the difficult conversations and it’s time for the rest of us to join them as friends, community members, and countrymen.
I stand with the members of my community, and not with the systems that seek to oppress them.
Black Lives Matter.